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Friday, October 6, 2017
Shocktober 2017
Each year, when the leaves begin to fall, and a chill wind blows through darkened streets, I enter into a month-long state from which return always seems... Doubtful...
That horrible state, that bone-chilling mode of being, that spine-tingling occasion, is known as SHOCKTOBER.
SHOCKTOBER is a time for films, books, music, and experiences of the terrifying sort. I'll rate those various encounters here, each on a scale of one to five (one meaning disappointingly tepid-- a Bay City Rollers Halloween special-- and five meaning freaky to the extreme-- "Shining" levels of sheer terror).
(last updated on 10.6.17)
FILMS + TV:
1. The Twilight Zone - "The Hitchhiker" (****): A satirical classic from the classic satirical series. A woman on a cross-country trip is pursued by a mysterious hitchhiker. Where the trip leads was pretty obvious to me from the beginning. Less obvious and super delightful was Rod Serling's commentary on the American Dream. He seems to say here that even in a place as big as America, there's no place to go. At the end of the day, the "Hitchhiker" will find you. Get you kicks while you can, I guess.
2. "We Are Still Here" (**): Modern haunted house film that borrows a lot from older haunted house films. It's got a good creepy atmosphere, stark cinematography, and a few choice scares, but it never generates the sort of forward motion this kind of movie requires. Blame it on the stilted dialogue, which the inconsistent actors at the film's center struggle with, and a middle third that barely goes anywhere (literally-- the characters go to a bar and back).
3. "The Invitation" (****): A guy gets invited to a house to see some old friends. That's all I'm gonna tell you. What "The Invitation" lacks in big jump scares it more than makes up for in consistent creepiness. You never know all you want to know about these characters; moments of seeming normalcy and warmth are instantly offset by disturbing monologues, weird videos, sudden violence, and reminders of a dark past. A slow burner, for sure, but my god does it burn.
4. "They Look Like People" (*****): I'm giving it five stars because I think I've discovered a modern classic here. The premise is simple, the execution is perfect-- man who sees monsters goes to live with an old friend in New York. Things start to fall apart. It's got a lot in common with the great indie horrors of yore, like "Paranormal Activity" and "The Blair Witch Project," but it's also got a truly moving human relationship at its center. That both the scares and the drama of "They Look Like People" come in equal measure is a testament to the skill of the filmmakers and actors. What it probably reminds me of more than anything, actually, is "Primer"-- minimal but evocative, otherworldly but recognizably human, funny, scary, and brilliant.
5. "It Comes at Night" (****): I keep doing this thing this Shocktober... Where I'm looking for scares and I end up with sobs. The plot of "It Comes at Night" is familiar-- a family takes shelter in the woods during a mysterious plague, and live a simple, methodical life until they're visited by "strange" guests-- but the way the story is told-- relentlessly bleak, but completely in tune with the lives of its characters-- is totally fresh. Imagine "The Walking Dead." Now imagine something that's actually good. Like "The Witch" before it, "It Comes at Night" is a filmmaker's film, one designed to upset audiences. But mark my words: it will find a cult following, and it will go down and history as one of the disturbing greats.
6. "Diabolique" (****): A trick film, for sure. But ooh, what a trick! And the film is so much more. A beautifully shot noir. A grim look at abuse. A Hitchcock-level thriller. A peek at the intricacies of female friendship. A ghost story. A detective story. A love story? It was made in 1955, and it's bolder and weirder and scarier than most films made today. Directed by Henri-Georges Clouzot, who apparently made one of the great white-knucklers in "Wages of Fear"-- something to add to my list!
BOOKS:
1. "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov (*****): Not a horror novel, per se, but definitely one of the most horrific. Through his cruel, arrogant, perverted narrator, Humbert Humbert, Nabokov subjects readers to more pointless suffering and death than many a more explicit scary story. It's a beautifully written book, and thus, one that makes you feel disturbingly complicit in the action at hand.
2. "Ghosts Know" by Ramsey Campbell (****): Campbell is the cult master of "urban horror," mixing the storied weird themes of Lovecraft and his circle with an interest in modern technology, communication, politics, and media. "Ghosts Know" is a sort of detective thriller about a shock jock's efforts to locate a missing girl. The novel unfolds gradually, but gorgeously, letting you savor the ways we do and don't trust the book's hero (also it's narrator). On this page, it's closest in style to "Diabolique": we never know for sure if we're looking at a ghost story. But something is clearly haunted.
MORE 2 COME!
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Ten Songs I Wouldn't Put on Your Wedding Playlist (Because I Love You Too Much)
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| Good rule of thumb... If Governor Scott Walker is doing it, you should not |
1. The Cha-Cha Slide: Because you’re not in high school anymore!
2. Pour Some Shoogah On Me: This is one of those “in the moment” dumb songs where, under the right circumstances (read: if you’re really drunk, and surrounded by friends and family), it MIGHT work for you. (Every REO Speedwagon song is like this, too.) But I wouldn’t wanna take the risk.
3. Blurred Lines: Too rapey. “Got to Give it Up” would do just as well.
4. Billie Jean: It’s one of the great grooves, but it’s overplayed. And Michael’s got plenty of killer wedding songs that aren’t about psychosexual paranoia (see: “Off the Wall”!).
5. Uptown Funk: Stop! Wait a minute. I liked this song the first fifty times I heard it. And then I heard it seven thousand more times.
6. Get Low (“from the windows, to the walls”): This one makes the millennial crowd move, but the hook is “Ah skeet skeet skeet.” Come on!
7. I Gotta Feeling: Not the soulful Beatles classic, but the Black Eyed Peas “Mazel Tov” song. You deserve better than plastic corporate party product, goddammit!
8. Shape of You: You know, that song you hear all the time by that charmless frat douche Ed Sheeran? I’d go for the real J.T. before a weak, inexplicably popular imitation.
9. The Cupid Shuffle: To the left, to the right, to the right, to the left, to the left, to the left, to the front, to the butt, to the left, to the left, to the left STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO
10. Sandstorm: Actually. Wait. I would play “Sandstorm” at your wedding.
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